


A Promise Broken

by LaraDrake



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2017-12-31 04:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1027230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaraDrake/pseuds/LaraDrake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Henry's rescue and the return to Storybrooke.  Emma made a promise to Killian, but Neal's reappearance has changed that.  Or has it? Killian deals with his memories and what the future may hold.  But, the present has other ideas.</p><p>Started after 3x03 Quite A Common Fairy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Found

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this after Quit a Common Fairy so this is pre-Good Form. (That kiss though. _Damn._ ) It should have several parts in the end, but won't run too long. The next part is already started.

_Tinkerbell came crashing through the foliage, running as fast as she could, a jar in one hand. “Run!” she shouted, nearly colliding with Killian and Emma. Behind her, there were shouts. Lost Boys._

_Killian hooked his arm around Emma’s waist, restraining her. “Emma, love, we have to go. You are going to have to trust that damned crocodile.”_

_“No, Killian! Let me go! I have to get Henry!” She struggled to get past him even as he hauled her backwards, trying to drag her after Tinkerbell. The sounds of the Lost Boys crashing towards them got louder._

_He crouched, dropping his shoulder so he could lift Emma up, trying not to curse as she swung elbows and knees at him. “Emma, love. We. Have. To. Go.” He grunted as her knee connected. He gritted his teeth and lifted her up, just as Snow and Charming nearly careened into them. Charming looked worse for the wear._

_Snow was grinning from ear to ear as she ran up to them. “He’s got Henry. We can go now.” She practically laughed as she ran off, following the same path that Tinkerbell had taken moments before. Charming trailed behind her, his face almost ashen, but still smiling._

_“You heard your mother.” Killian started to follow the others, carrying Emma over his shoulder. She still struggled and got another well placed knee in, enough to make Killian put her down. “Come on, love,” he said through clenched teeth, taking her arm to haul her back to his ship._

_“Not without Hen-” Emma stilled suddenly and Killian stopped, feeling her frozen in his arms. He didn’t let go, just leaned back to get a look at her face. Surprise, hope, and something else. It wasn’t just happiness. Joy? He looked over his shoulder and saw a ghost._

_Neal Cassidy was running towards them, Henry in his arms and his father hot on his heels. He looked a little haggard as he slowed in front of Emma, but there was a smile on his face. A big, bright smile. Rumplestiltskin stopped next to him and urged, “Bae, we need to get to the ship. If Pan catches us, none of us will make it out of Neverland.”_

_Killian couldn’t believe it. Relief flooded through him. Baelfire was alive. It was more than any of them could have hoped. A smile was blossoming on his face, until he looked back at Emma. It was definitely joy on her face. He looked again at Baelfire and then back to Emma and set his jaw, feeling his world tilt. “Reunions later,” he said and gave Emma a shove, a little harder than intentioned. Killian let her arm go. Her eyes met his and there was an apology in them for just an instant until Neal ran between them._

_As Neal passed them with Henry, Emma turned and ran with them. Killian took a deep breath and followed after them, Rumple hot on his heels. Behind them, the Lost Boys whooped and continued their pursuit._

=-=-=

There was barely a swallow left in the bottom of the glass. Killian was staring at it like he could will it to be a full glass. They had come back from Neverland only two days ago. Two days that were entirely too long for someone who felt like they had any chance of happiness ripped from them. Again.

He drained the last of the whisky from the glass. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Emma. He saw her smiling, her arms sliding around his neck, her face close to his with love on her lips. Her promise a whisper in his ear. He felt hollow. The whisky was to drown her out. 

Killian looked at the bartender of the Rabbit Hole. The big man shook his head and pushed a piece of paper across the bar to him. “Giving up on me too, mate?" Killian said, standing and wobbling on unsteady legs. The bartender just shook his head and tapped the receipt. Killian fished out a few bills from his pocket and dropped them on the bar before heading for the door, his head still full of Neverland. And her. 

It was late enough that the night air was cool against his skin. It made him think of Neverland. Of the Lost Boys crying in the night as he sat next to Emma, his hand so close to hers that he ached to reach out and touch her, to hold her hand. He thought of the night that he did, he held her hand and she smiled at him and he couldn’t help but smile back at her. 

He coughed, his throat getting tighter. Killian wanted to be back on his ship, in his cabin where he could fight the ghosts of what could have been with burning swallows of rum. If he drank enough, he wouldn’t dream of the past or the future. If he drank enough, maybe the darkness would swallow him whole.

“Hook!” a cheery voice stopped him in his tracks and he nearly rolled his eyes as he took a deep breath and turned around. The woman hadn’t stopped fighting for her kingdom and he knew that once someone was in her sights, she wasn’t just going to let them walk away. Not even a scruffy, rude pirate that didn’t want her help.

“Snow,” he said, trying to put a smile into his voice and knowing he fell far too short. She had her happy ending, or at least the beginning of her happy ending. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your attention?” he tried again, the leer falling out of his words as quickly as he tried to put it into them. Too much whisky, he thought and forced the corners of his lips to turn up.

Snow gave him a curious look, tightening her hold on Charming’s arm. “We haven’t seen you since we got back. I thought you might have left.” Charming was standing tall and relaxed next to her, happy to let his wife do the talking. Killian made a note that he was doing well. The pixie dust has cured the poison and he seemed to be recovering quickly.

“No, I’m not so lucky, I’m afraid.” He held his arms out and smirked. “This world isn’t exactly a place for a pirate like me.” He saw Snow’s confused look, like no one could hate this place because they should be as happy as she is, and moved his attention to Charming so that he wouldn’t be tempted to glare at her. “How are you feeling, mate?”

Charming smiled and nodded. “Well.” He paused and Killian knew what was coming next. “I wanted to thank you for everything you did in Neverland. We never would have made it out of there without you.” 

Killian waved him off and looked past Charming, not wanting to focus on the happy couple. It burned in his gut and he wanted another drink. He could see Emma in both of them. “Well, I should be going. Glad to see you are well, mate.” He inclined his head slightly to both of them and started to walk past them.

“Hook,” Charming said, stopping Killian before he could get too far. Killian turned around, looking at the father of the person that meant the most to him. Snow had walked a few paces away from Charming, giving them some privacy. “I know why you did it. For what it’s worth…” He paused and pressed his lips together. “For what’s it’s worth, I think she does love you. I’m sorry.”

Hope raced through his heart, following by the sharp cut of pain. Killing closed his eyes and took a breath. It would be easier had he not heard that. “Thank…” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Thank you, mate, but it doesn’t change anything. She loved him first and we all know how our first love goes.” 

Killian took his leave and hurried down the street, trying to ignore the pity? No, sympathy he had seen in Charming’s eyes.. He didn’t stop for anything, nearly falling over Grumpy. The lump in his throat was making it hard to breathe again. He needed the emptiness of his ship and the oblivion that a bottle of rum would provide.


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened aboard the Jolly Roger on the way back to Storybrooke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally supposed to be two parts. The past and the present like the first, but it kind of got away from me so I've broken it into two chapters. This chapter is the past.

_Everyone had survived the ride through the portal that Regina and Tinkerbell had opened with some of the pixie dust they had recovered from Pan’s camp. Killian stood at the helm, trying to busy himself with guiding the ship across the frustratingly calm sea. If they had landed in the middle of a storm or closer to Storybrooke, he would have been grateful. Anything to distract himself from the passengers on his ship._

_Snow and Charming were standing at the bow, talking quietly. They had been inseparable since Tinkerbell had used the pixie dust to cure Charming of the Dreamshade. Snow had squeezed the breath out of the poor pixie in thanks. Close by, Regina was almost smothering Henry with attention while Henry tried to assure her that he was alright. Rumplestiltskin seemed to be thinking, keeping to himself. Every so often, he glanced in the direction of Storybrooke. It was the only sign of his impatience._

_Emma and Neal were by the mast, talking quietly. They were keeping their distance, but to Killian, it seemed like the distance between them kept closing. There was so much hope on their faces, so much joy. It made Killian feel seasick for the first time in hundreds of years._

_“Bae-” Killian stopped himself. Hadn’t he said he prefered Neal now? He wondered what Milah would have thought of that. “Neal,” he started again, “take the helm.”_

_Everyone turned to Killian when he gave the order and he suddenly felt like the pirate captain he used to be. His crew always paid rapt attention to him when he gave orders. He’d never been more alone in his life when it was just him and his crew. A ship full of people that would change their loyalty at the barest sign of weakness._

_Neal touched Emma’s cheek and smiled at her before crossing the deck and climbing the stairs so he could take the helm. She watched him go and Killian watched her until Neal took the wheel from him. He clapped Neal on the shoulder and headed towards his cabin, avoiding Emma’s gaze._

_Safely inside his cabin, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. The escape, the portal, and finally arriving on calm waters has kept Killian busy. He’d quickly set a course that would take them back to Storybrooke and found himself without anything to keep his mind occupied. His thoughts kept drifting towards the future, the one that he had been promised and the one that now seemed unavoidable._

_Emma had her first love back. She hadn’t said anything to Killian since Neal came running through the trees, carrying Henry. It seemed pretty straight forward to him. He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged off his coat. He tossed it onto his bed and went to search the cabinets for rum. He needed a drink._

_A knock sounded from the door and Killian ignored it. If there was a problem, they wouldn’t be knocking. They were only a few hours out from Storybrooke and Killian wanted to spend it in the cabin until they made port. He closed his hand around a jug of rum in the cabinet, experience telling him it was the best way to drown out the noise in his head._

_“Killian,” Emma said and he froze, his back to the door. He hadn’t heard the door open, but then he hadn’t been expecting anyone to come in either. He clenched his teeth and moved to put the jug on the table in the center of the room, sparing her only a glance._

_“Swan,” he said, his voice flat. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” He turned to face her, leaning back against the edge of the table, knowing that facing her was the last thing he wanted to do._

_“We need to talk,” she said and his heart sank. He met her gaze and saw none of the joy and hope on her face that she had for Neal. “I want-”_

_Killian dropped his arm and let his hook clang into the table top. His jaw clenched as he watched her flinch from the sound and stop speaking. His stomach felt worse. “No, love. You need to go back out to your family and leave an old pirate to his rum. You’ve made your choice, haven’t you?”_

_Emma looked angry for a second before she moved further into the room, away from the door. Determination took the place of anger in her eyes. “Hook.” His nickname came out harshly and Killian wanted her angry. Maybe it would hurt less if she were angry. Whether it would hurt him less or her, he wasn’t sure. “You need to listen to me. I didn’t want this.” She motioned with her arms. “I was never looking for any of this.”_

_He choked off a laugh and felt anger rising in his chest and confusion clouding his mind in response to her words. “Do you think I was? Do you think I ever wanted to come back to Neverland? I came for you.” He watched her face, seeing the anger spark again in her eyes. It stayed there this time, burning away the determination._

_“I never expected you to come back for us. You could have just sailed away that day in Storybrooke.” Emma crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the floor. “You didn’t have to come back for me. We would have found a way to get to Henry.”_

_“And Pan would have played with all of you until Regina and Rumplestiltskin tried to burn Neverland to the ground. Then he would have killed all of you.” He practically spat the words. Killian knew he made the right choice when he turned his ship around. And again when he sailed them through the portal to Neverland. “If I hadn’t come back, you and everyone you love would have been dead.” And he would have been alone again, just with more regrets. It was a fate worse than heartbreak._

_Emma pressed her lips into a tight line. “We would have made it to Neverland. We would have saved Henry.” A waver in her voice told Killian that she didn’t fully believe her words._

_Killian stared at her, his anger fading. He was hurting Emma. Despite what he thought she was here for, he couldn’t hurt her. His already fragmented heart ached. Anger wasn’t the answer even though he knew he could be angry at her. Not for her words. Not for barging into his cabin, but for making him love again. He didn’t want to care so much about someone that he risked breaking the fragile pieces of his already shattered heart. Emma was here to do just that, though. Still, he couldn’t hurt her. If he was the one that ended up in pain, he would take that, if only to save her from it. He took a deep breath and buried his anger. “Emma…” he said softly._

_“What?” she snapped back at him. “Are you going to go all ‘love this’ and ‘love that’ on me now?” She threw her arms up, trying to hide her hurt behind anger. “We could have saved Henry without you. We don’t need you, Hook. We never did.”_

_He turned away from her, her words cutting him. He’d hurt her and made her angry and now he had to pay the consequences. He put his hand on the jug of rum on the table and kept his back to Emma. “I know.” The rum was tempting, but he had to let Emma finish what she had come for. Then he could drown is all out. Killian dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes._

_“Hook,” Emma said, closer than she had been before. Her voice wasn’t harsh like it had been moments before. “I’m sorry.”_

_They were words he was hoping she wouldn’t say to him, though he wasn’t sure what she meant them for. Hurting him? Saying that they didn’t need him? That she didn’t need or want him? Sorry for choosing Neal? “Sorry for what, Swan?” he asked, opening his eyes and staring at his tightening grip on the rum._

_“Killian, damnit! Don’t make this harder than it already is,” she snapped, the fire back in her voice. It took effort for him to not turn and look at her. He loved her fire._

_A lump formed in his throat he he tried to steel himself. “Say what you need to, Emma.” Anything for you, he wanted to add, but kept it to himself. He slowly turned around, gripping the edge of the table. “Tell me that you don’t need me anymore. That you never needed me. That you don’t want me now that he is here. That you never wanted me.” Killian swallowed, unable to continue. Was letting someone go going to be easier or harder than having them taken away?_

_“I’m sorry,” she said again. He wished she would stop apologizing. He met her eyes and she looked apologetic again and that probably hurt him more than anything. More than her not staying his words. The look in her eyes was such a contrast to the look she had been giving Neal. Joy. Hope. Not sadness and apology. “I made you a promise before I knew Neal was alive.”_

_Killian shook his head gently, knowing her favor was leaving him with every word she said. “You can still keep that promise, love. It was the promise of a chance, not the promise of a future.”_

_Emma frowned. “I… I can’t. Not with him here now. He’s Henry’s father, Killian.”_

_“Aye, that he is, but is he what you want?” He clenched his jaw, hoping. If he couldn’t be the one that she was with, he wanted to be the one that she wanted._

_She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. “Yes. Now he is. I… I lost him. I thought he was dead. But he wasn’t. He’s alive.” She opened her eyes and looked at Killian. “I can’t give us a chance, Killian. Neal... How am I supposed to tell him that I thought he was dead and have been trying to move on? When I still love him? And I do… I still love him.”_

_Killian felt his eyes sting and the lump in his throat got bigger. He had to swallow several times before he could start speaking. “And not me,” he said so quiet, that he wasn’t sure she actually heard him. He cleared his throat and turned away from her. “Go, Swan.”_

_“Killian,” she tried, putting her hand on his shoulder._

_“Leave!” His voice cracked and he slammed his hook down on the table. “Get out, Swan, or so help me,” he said roughly, trying to keep himself together. There was silence for a few seconds before the door to his cabin opened and then shut and he was alone._

_Killian snatched the jug of rum off the table and raised it as if he would hurl it against the wall. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. He didn’t need Snow or Charming running in to talk to him. Gritting his teeth, he walked to the far wall and leaned against it. The stopper on the jug of rum popped as he pulled it off and he took a long swallow before sliding down the wall. The burning of the rum down his throat matched the burning of his eyes as tears started to fall. Heartbreak never got any easier. It only got worse._


	3. Hangover

Sunshine streamed in through the windows and Killian groaned, rolling over in his bed and catching himself before he fell to the floor. His head was pounding and he had a mind to just pull the blankets over his head and sleep until dark. It would not have been the first time he had made that choice since arriving in Storybrooke. He blinked at the light and looked down at himself. He was still fully clothed. He supposed he was lucky he made it onto his bed last night because he couldn’t remember anything beyond opening a jug of rum when he returned to the ship. 

Killian decided that was a good thing, but he doubted that he had actually slept. Passed out seemed like it fit better. He didn’t feel rested if the pounding in his head and the ache in his body were any indication. At least he couldn’t remember his dreams. He sucked in a deep breath and pushed the thoughts of golden hair and hazel eyes out of his mind. Dreaming while awake wasn’t something he wanted to start now. 

He sat up and his vision swam. Too much to drink, he mused, his head pounding enough that it was hard to piece his thoughts together any more. The rum and whisky had done their jobs. And they would keep doing their jobs. He squinted around him, looking for the jug of rum and saw it laying on it’s side, rocking gently back and forth on the floorboards as the ship swayed.

Standing, he only wobbled slightly, putting his hand on the back of his head. Definitely, too much to drink. He hadn’t had a hangover like this one since Milah. Except, this time he wasn’t full of murderous rage, just loss and sadness. Or maybe he was. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Baelfire any longer. He was Milah’s son, but he had taken away Killian’s shot at a future. Pain sliced through his head and he abandoned the thought.

Killian started to strip out of his clothes from the night before, tossing his vest and shirt into the corner, followed by his boots. He looked at the brace holding his hook on his arm and started angrily jerking the straps to take it off. It was a reminder of loss and he hated it. Thinking of Milah had him thinking of Emma, of love. Then of Baelfire and how he and Emma looked at each other. The brace and the hook fell to the floor with a clang and he cursed and put his hand on his head again. It felt like his brain was trying to escape out his forehead. 

Someone was knocking on his door and he gave the door a confused look. In the past three days, no one had come on the ship since the others had left the day they’d arrived back in Storybrooke. He waited and listened as the knocking continued in short bursts until the person stopped. “That’s better,” he said quietly and started to take off his pants.

“Captain! Captain Hook!” Killian finished glared at the door and stopped unbuttoning his pants. “Captain Jones!” the voice shouted again. “I know you are home!”

All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed, but the knocking started again, accompanied by the yelling. He gritted his teeth and grabbed his the brace and roughly strapped it on. He grabbed a shirt, yanked it over his head, and stalked to the door, jerking it open and stepping outside. “Bloody hell!” he cursed and blocked the sunlight from his eyes with his hand. His head started throbbing harder and his stomach turned. “What do you want?” he asked, squinting against the light. 

“Captain Jones, I knew you were home!” Henry said, grinning up at Killian, oblivious to the fact the Killian was in pain from the sun. Or anything else.

Killian sighed and tried to lower his hand, but the sun was still too bright. Henry wasn’t someone he wanted to see right now. He didn’t need to be reminded of Emma. Or Neal. “Why are you here, Henry?” 

Henry took his backpack off his shoulder and unzipped it. “My mom wouldn’t bring me out here so, I had to sneak out.” He rummaged in the backpack, looking for something.

“Henry,” Killian warned. He wasn’t sure who he was calling Mom this time, but whether it was Emma or Regina, didn’t matter. They would both have his head if they knew Henry had come down to see him. Regina had left him with as much of a thank you as she could give and he and Emma weren’t on speaking terms any longer. Once they had arrived in Storybrooke, she was the one urging everyone off the ship faster than Neal could get it anchored. “You need to leave, mate. Your mother… mothers won’t be happy with either of us if they find out you were here.”

Henry stopped searching through his bag and looked up at Killian, finally really looking at him, concern written on his face. “Are you okay? You don’t look okay.”

He took a deep breath and Killian tested lowering his hand again. Tolerable. He let his hand fall to his side and studied Henry. The boy was here for something. “I have a headache.” An understatement, he’d admit, but he was pretty sure Emma would kill him if he started telling her son about his current drinking habits.

Henry made a knowing smile. “You have a hangover.” He started digging in his backpack. “Grandpa mentioned that you didn’t look good last night. That you smelled like whisky. He gave me this for you.” He triumphantly held up a bottle of aspirin.

Killian gave Henry an exasperated look and then started to laugh, but that hurt his head more and he stopped. Emma couldn’t yell at him if her father told Henry. Though, Killian wasn’t sure he didn’t want Emma to yell at him. Emma yelling at him meant she still cared for him. He took the offered aspirin. “David is helping you scheme now, mate?” He tried to pop the top of the aspirin, but couldn’t fumble open the child safety lid with one hand. He wanted to throw the blasted bottle into the water.

Henry made a face and held out his hand. When Killian handed it back to him, he expertly opened the bottle and shook out two pills and handed them to him. Killian raised an eyebrow at the boy, but took the pills anyway. He felt useless in that moment. He couldn’t open the bottle. He couldn’t make himself forget Emma. He couldn’t make himself move on. The pills scratched his throat as he swallowed them dry, trying to hide his frustration from the boy. “He’s not helping me scheme,” Henry said and went back to digging around in his backpack. “It’s Operation Falcon.”

The boy was babbling, he decided. He’d heard Emma and Regina mention Operation Cobra Rescue back in Neverland, but hadn’t asked any questions about it. Killian was more worried about someone coming and finding Henry here. He wasn’t sure a dwarf or two wouldn’t try to point fingers at him for kidnapping. “Henry, what is Operation Falcon?”

“It’s a secret,” he replied and pulled out a letter. “Ha!” He held it up and smiled triumphantly.

“Henry…” Killian warned, his frustration making his headache worse. He looked down at the deck of the ship, wishing he could just crawl back into bed. He rubbed his forehead.

The boy lowered the letter to his side and watched the pirate captain. “My mom, Emma, misses you,” the boy said, very matter-of-fact. 

Killian stiffened, his head darting up, his eyes locked on the boy. The sudden movement sent a sharp pain through his head. It wasn’t any match for the pain in his chest, the ever-tightening feeling of his heart. He wondered when it would shatter for good and the pieces unable to deal with the strain, wouldn’t be able to be repaired. “What do you mean, she misses me? She was… She didn’t… she didn’t choose me.”

Henry sighed, his small shoulders rising and falling. “She misses you. Like, you know…”

“No, no I don’t know,” he said, watching the boy, his heart swelling with hope. “She chose Baelfire.” He silently hoped his heart would hold on, just a little longer. Maybe Emma had changed her mind?

“Captain. That is not what this is about.” He put the letter under his arm and zipped his bag shut and set it at his feet. “My mom misses you. She looks for you. When Grandpa said he saw you the other night, she wanted to know how you were.” He looked at Killian accusingly.

Frustration and hope flashed across Killian’s face and Henry grinned at him again. Killian knew full well that David had not lied to Emma or anyone else when he told them what he saw. “Henry, can we stop playing games? Emma broke her promise to me. Just leave me be. I’ll be gone just as soon as I can find somewhere to go.” 

Henry shook his head and held the letter out. “Here. Take this, but you can’t read it yet. You have to save it. You’ll know when you can read it.” When Killian didn’t reach out and take it, Henry marched over and put it into his hand. “Grandpa and Grandma said you will know when you can read it,” Henry insisted. 

Killian closed his hand around the letter. Snow was in on it too? That would be almost the whole Charming clan scheming. Except for Emma. Whatever they were planning, Killian doubted she knew about it. “Is this all, mate? If you don’t mind, I have some personal matters to attend to.” He wasn’t sure if he meant his head or his heart at the moment, only that he wanted Henry to go back to his family.

Henry smiled and stepped back. “No. You are coming to dinner tomorrow night. They are throwing a welcome home party for all of us.”

“No, Henry. I’m not-”

“You are one of us, Captain. You saved me. Please say you’ll be there. Please?” Henry looked up at Killian, hopeful.

Sighing, Killian nodded, unable to say no to the boy, although he didn’t agree with him. He wasn’t here when the curse turned, nor did most of the town consider him ‘good’ enough to be one of them. “I’ll be there, only because you asked. Not because Em… your mother misses me,” he said softly. Henry’s smile was bright again and Killian couldn’t find it in himself to be angry at the boy. “Now, go home before someone sees you and accuses me of being a villain again.”

Henry gathered up his backpack and ran over to Killian, giving him a quick hug. “Granny’s at 6 o’clock.” He gave him a squeeze before he let go. “Thank you!” he said brightly and turned to hurry off of the Jolly Roger. 

Killian stood on the deck and watched the boy go, confused as ever. Emma missed him. Her parents and son wanted him in their town. But, Emma missed him. Despite how stubborn she could be, she had wanted to know how he was. He looked at the letter in his hand and carried it with him back into his quarters. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance still left.


	4. Sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay. Holidays and my birthday along with work made it tough to get this chapter finished. Killian wasn't agreeing either... At least two more chapters to come! I hope you enjoy.

“Let’s get you into something more… twentieth century,” Ruby said with a wolfish smile, her eyes traveling down the length of Killian’s body as he turned, startled. He hadn’t expected anyone to just show up on the Jolly Roger. Henry had said he was to go to Granny’s in the evening and he was nervous enough without unexpected visitors showing up.

“Ruby? What in the bloody hell are you doing here?” He dropped the coil of rope onto the deck and watched as Ruby marched toward him, a bag dangling from her arm. 

“Helping Henry. Operation Falcon.” She continued past him and right into the cabin.

Killian watched her go, exasperated. He followed her. “Ruby, what is Operation Falcon?” Did Henry have everyone in on Operation Falcon? He watched as she set the bag on his desk and kept her back to him as she pulled items out of it.

“A secret.” She looked over her shoulder and winked, grinning. Killian almost rolled his eyes as he walked around his desk. She was setting clothes on his desk. A sweater? Pants that were definitely not leather. A small bottle. Ankle boots. Socks. He gave her a confused look and Ruby kept smiling, clearly enjoying herself. “Henry thought it would be helpful if we made you look a little more like you belonged. You know, to hopefully get the town to stop thinking of you as Captain Hook.” She dropped her voice and crooked one of her fingers, slashing it in the air a little. Ruby watched him, her smile fading as she met his eyes, suddenly serious. “Make it easier.”

Easier? He tilted his head, even more confused now. He opened his mouth to speak and shut it. The letter, the invitation, and now clothes. He watched Ruby shake out the sweater. It was like something he’d seen sailors wear before. “Why are all of you doing this?” None of them were his friends. Was it just because he helped bring Henry back? Had the boy really brought the town together?

Ruby held the sweater up to him and seemed pleased. “Henry asked.” She looked at his face and turned to set the sweater down. “It’s not like that is the only reason. Emma misses you.”

Hearing someone else say those words, his heart leapt and he put a hand on his desk as if he were steadying himself. “Henry mentioned that.” 

“Hmm, well, then you know.” She was smiling again. “Now, let’s make sure all of this fits.”

“Know-”

Ruby raised a finger and waved it at him, signaling him not to speak. “You’ll have to ask Emma. Now, try these on.” She held up the boots. 

Killian took the boots and gave Ruby an annoyed look. Emma missed him. Henry had a mission that apparently he was the focus of. He sat down on his chair and started to take of his boots. And Henry wanted him to fit in, for Storybrooke to like him. Fantastic.

=-=-=-=

The collar of the cable knit sweater bothered him. He hadn’t worn something with such a high collar in years. Hundred of years. His normal clothes were comfortable. This stuff… the jeans and cable knit sweater were weird… awkward. But, if it would get him closer to Emma, he’d do it. 

Ruby had left him with order to clean up, use the cologne and wear the clothes, though she hadn’t asked him to shave. Actually, she’d specifically not told him to shave. He rubbed his chin and took a deep breath and crossed the street to Granny’s.

A good many of Storybrooke’s residents were already inside, laughing and chatting. He walked in, the bell ringing as he stepped into the room. Everyone turned to look at him. He tried a smile. Some of them looked away. He raised a hand in greeting and they rest looked away from him, going back to their conversations. 

“Captain,” Ruby said, walking over to him and smiling. “You look…” Her smile grew and she grinned at him. “Very nice. Come on. I’ll get you something to drink.” 

Killian looked at the others who were trying to make it look like they weren’t watching him. He took another deep breath and followed Ruby to the counter. The townspeople weren’t going to be won over just because he brought Henry back. He wished it were as easy as that because if Emma did miss him and did want him here, then it would make staying easier. 

“Beer.” Ruby twisted the top off the bottle and set it in front of Killian, leaning on the counter. She waited for him to lift the beer to take a drink. “Henry says you have to stay for at least an hour.”

Killian choked, staring at Ruby as she laughed. An hour? He was going to see Emma, prove to Henry he was here, and leave before he earned himself any more heartbreak. That was a quarter hour at most. A full hour? “Bloody hell,” he coughed and then took a long swig of the beer. An hour.

The door chimed and Killian was disappointed to see Snow White and Prince Charming walk in. Everyone in the diner greeted them. David looked at Killian and smiled at him, raising his hand in greeting. He excused himself from his wife and walked over to sit next to Killian. “Glad you could make it.”

“What choice did I have, mate?” He could have said no. He could have left, but Henry had asked and he had a feeling that none of them could deny anything he asked for since they got back from Neverland.  
David laughed. “I know what you mean. He cornered me at the stable.” Ruby brought over a beer for David and returned to helping Granny bring out platters of hors d'oeuvres. “I bet he even told you how long you had to be here.”

“He let Ruby inform me.” Killian shook his head. “I have forty-five minutes left.” He moved the bottle of beer, watching the condensation leave a trail on the counter. 

David patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t go running away too soon,” he said and caught his wife’s eye across the room. “I know I don’t want to lose any friends if I can help it.” He stood. “Good luck,” he said and he was heading past the dwarves to meet his wife. 

Killian and David had been getting closer in Neverland, though Killian didn’t think David would admit that he considered him a friend. He was wrong and glad of it. He sipped at the beer, glancing at the door when it chimed. It took another few minutes before Killian froze mid sip. 

Emma stood in the door, her attention on the boy at her side, smiling and glowing as she agreed to something the boy was saying. She took his breath away, her golden hair falling in soft curls to frame her face. He couldn't look away as she shrugged out of her leather jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack inside the door. He felt like he was watching her in slow motion and tried to memorize every second like it was the last time he would see her. Killian hoped it wasn’t the last time he would see her.

The door chimed again and Neal walked in. Killian was halfway out of his seat when Neal looked directly at him. He sat back down, pressing his lips together as he watched Neal put his hand on the small of Emma’s back. Jealously ignited and he knew that it should be him with his hand on Emma’s back. Him leaning in to kiss her cheek. And Emma turning away from his kiss, giving him a strange look and stepping away from his kiss. Killian tilted his head and watched Neal try to brush it off, glancing in his direction. 

Hope made Killian brave again, willing to risk his heart as he stood and walked across the room. Henry had left Emma to go chatter at his grandparents, giving him a thumbs up as Killian passed him. The boy was strange, he decided, but he had asked Killian to be here and Killian wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass him by. Not when Emma had given him hope again.

“Emma-” he started and froze when she turned to look at him, his heart in his throat, his voice raspy and worn, not like he had spent the better part of the afternoon arguing with Ruby over the clothes she had brought him. Her eyes met his and he thought, hoped, that he was seeing happiness behind the surprise. The rest of the room melted away.

“Ki- Hook,” she caught herself, “You look.. good.” The corners of her lips turned up and he knew she was glad to see him. 

He smiled back at her, bright and pleased. “I’m afraid this isn’t my doing, but thank you.” She tilted her head and her brows furrowed. “Ruby. Apparently, someone thought I could use a change of wardrobe.” He glanced over to Henry, who was trying to act like he wasn’t watching them with his grandparents trying their best to distract him. 

Emma looked over at her son and shook her head, her smile widening. “He thinks he can help everyone, doesn’t he?” She looked back to Killian. “Operation Falcon, right?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea what Operation Falcon is.” But, if it meant being here with Emma, her smiling at him in a room full of her friends and family, sober and his heart warm and healing, he would be grateful for it. “Emma-”

She shook her head at him and turned to walk away from him. Killian started to raise a hand to stop her, not wanting her to go. “Let’s grab a booth,” she said and he followed her, not hesitating as she slid into one of the booths towards the back of the diner, away from her family, away from her friends, away from Neal. He sat across from her and she folded her hands together in her lap, watching him, her expression still light, but now neutral “You haven’t left yet.”

Killian’s smile faded a little bit, not knowing what to say to her expecting him to have left. “No.” He paused, watching her face as it didn’t changed. He wondered if she was trying her lie detector trick on him. “To be honest, Emma, I haven’t a place to go.”

Emma’s lips parted like she was going to speak and Killian watched her lips, wishing the table wasn’t so wide. He waited for her words and when they didn’t come, he looked to her eyes and found her watching him. “You could stay,” she said and he held his breath. “There is room for you here. I mean, David could find you something to do.” She looked away from him.

He pressed his lips together and watched her look around the room to her friends and family. “I’m positive he could,” he agreed with her and her eyes were back on him. 

“There’s a ‘but’ there, isn’t there?” she asked, Killian swearing he saw disappointment in her eyes for a second.

A rueful smile crossed his face and he looked down at the table, wishing he hadn’t left his beer on the counter, so he had something to wrap his hand around. Emma could always see him, really see him, even when she was pretending she didn’t. He thought of Neverland. “But, there isn’t a place for me here, really.” He met her eyes again. “I will always be Captain Hook. To them.” He looked to the other people in the diner and then held her gaze. “To you.” Killian paused and shook his head when she tried to speak. “That is not who I want to be anymore, love.”

Emma searched his face and he knew she was finding the sadness and the wear on his face of his days since Neverland. He felt tired and covered his gloved hand with his good hand on top of the table, waiting for her to say something. She sat back, her hands in her lap, completely at a loss.

Killian took a breath, his heart in his throat. “I took a chance coming here, Emma. Those closest to you wanted me to be here tonight.”

“It’s because you helped save Henry,” she said quickly, shaking her head, her eyes darting around as if looking for an escape. 

He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. She hadn’t exactly welcomed him back. He thought again of her brushing of Neal and resolved that he had to at least try. “They said you missed me.” 

Emma froze and looked at him, worry etched on her features and Killian hoped it was because another one of her secrets had gotten out. “Hook-”

“Killian. Please,” he said, looking at her with hope, his expression softening. 

“Killian,” she tried again. Emma pressed her lips together and gripped the edge of the table. “I did.” She took a breath and her grip tightened. “I do.” She met his brilliant blue eyes. “ It was… it was strange after Neverland. You were always there and then you weren’t. It was my fault. I-”

“You don’t need to say anymore, love.” He was smiling at her. This meant that she wasn’t standing by her decision to cast him aside. Leaning forward, he reached for one of her hands and took it in his. The corners of her lips turning up. She squeezed his hand and met his eyes, still a little sadness in them.

Henry bounded over then, grinning at his mother and at Killian. “Mom! Granny made us a cake!” He looked down at their hands and his grin seemed to grow. 

Henry started talking again, chatting with his mother, but Killian wasn’t paying attention. He watched Emma, wondering for a moment about the sadness she had looked at him with, but more than willing to hope that it meant nothing, that his hand in hers, their fingers twining together, meant that there would be a future for him in Storybrooke with Emma.


	5. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance... I'll try to have the next one out sooner. Working on another chapter fic. AU this time. I am feeling way more inspired and I actually feel like writing again. Thank you all for that.

One hour past and then another and another and Killian had lost all thoughts of leaving the party early. He had held Emma’s hand in the booth and she had smiled at him. The sadness in her eyes was something he would try to chase away when they weren’t in a room full of her family and friends. 

Killian spent the rest of the party in a good mood. He chatted with David, Leroy, and even Belle. Many of the residents that had not joined them in Neverland and weren’t exactly aware of his change were still wary of him and he couldn’t blame them. Trusting Rumpelstiltskin had been difficult for him, but Emma and her son were worth it.

The party was finally winding down, Henry’s seemingly boundless energy waning. Regina took his backpack from Emma and he sleepily hugged his grandparents goodbye. He took Regina’s hand and stopped to look up at Killian. “I’m glad you could come.” Henry let go of Regina’s hand and enveloped Killian in a hug.

The boy caught him off guard and he stiffened for a moment before hugging him back slightly, feeling awkward at the attention. Killian met Emma’s eyes as Henry let him go and took Regina’s hand again.

Emma gave Killian a small smile that finally reached her eyes. He grinned back and stepped close to her, feeling like he had just been given a rare and beautiful prize. He dropped his voice and spoke quietly in her ear. “Can I walk you home, love?” He was careful to keep the innuendo out of his tone, not wanting to spoil the evening, nor wanting to push his luck.

“I’ll meet you outside,” she answered, pulling back to smile at him again, still that brilliant smile that reached her eyes.

The night was cool against his face. He let out a deep breath, just barely able to make out the air as the cool and warm air interacted. Tonight had gone better than he had expected and he was surprised at how well it was continuing. He didn’t want to push his luck, but maybe, just maybe, Emma would let him kiss her good night. A smile formed on his lips at the thought and he raised a hand to touch them, imagining just how she would taste; of chocolate and cinnamon.

“You’ve had a good night,” a familiar voice said, coming from the other side of the picket fence that separated the tiny yard from the sidewalk.

Killian lowered his hand and finished the short walk to the sidewalk, an easy smile on his face. “I have.” He watched Neal, not able to read his face in the low light. Maybe this was some kind of peace offering.

“She’s not going to love you back.” Neal shifted, his hands in his pockets. He met Killian’s eyes, smug.

Confusion and anger tightened Killian’s jaw, the smile quickly falling off his face. “What was that, mate?” he asked quietly, trying to keep himself calm. “I don’t see you currying the lady’s favour right at the moment.”

Neal smirked, stepping into the area lit by a street lamp. “She can’t let herself love you. Emma can’t let go of herself long enough to love someone like you. You scare her.”

Killian wasn’t quite sure what Neal meant, only knowing that he was making him angry. Emma was brave and strong and she could love whomever she put her mind to. She could trust him, if she only tried. He knew how strong she was and it was irritating to Killian how much this person that she once loved doubted her. “And you abandoning her all those years ago makes you worthy of her love?” When, Neal’s face hardened, Killian found himself smirking, pleased that his blow had stung. “I take it you couldn’t talk your way out of that one, mate?”

There was a moment when Killian thought Neal would take a swing at him, his eyes narrowing and his fists clenching at his side. But, Neal surprised him by visibly relaxing, his face becoming a blank mask. “I know it will take time for her to trust me again. She’ll forgive me. She has to.” He put his hands inside his coat pockets. “You, though.” He smirked again. “You have a lot of secrets, _Hook_.” Neal put a biting emphasis on the moniker, glancing to the faux hand that hung at Killian’s side.

Dark eyes met blue again and Killian froze. Neal was angry, he realized. All the poking and prodding at Killian, Neal was furious with him. “Neal,” he started and then abruptly stopped when the other man shook his head.

“No, _Hook_. You don’t get to talk your way into being my friend. Not after everything you did to my _family_.” Neal’s hands were out of his pockets, his fists clenched again as he advanced on Killian. “I’m not letting you do it again. You will disappear before you get near my family again or so help me…”

A myriad of emotions flooded through Killian at Neal’s threats. Shame, regret, sadness, anger, and indignation all swirled through him. He felt his temperature rise, anger taking over. He had hurt Neal, he knew, but Neal didn’t have claim to Emma. She was not his wife and Emma had shown him that she wasn’t his earlier that evening, in front of everyone at the party. “Emma can make her own decisions and if this evening is any indication, she has made it clear that you are not hers.”

Neal smiled a bitter smile, anger highlighting his features and making the lines of his face look sharper than it was. “And you think you are?” He snorted. “You are toxic, a villain. How long do you think it will be before you destroy her family?” He hesitated, letting the words sink in before he added, “or kill her?”

Killian visibly paled, his arms suddenly heavy with the memory of Mila’s lifeless body. He stared at Neal’s face, the angry, gloating look in his eyes making him look far more like his father than his mother. Killian had always held on to the thought that Neal was more like his mother than his father. “I would give my life for Emma,” Killian said, his voice low and even, trying to hide the doubt Neal’s words had awoken in him.

“And my mother? Would you have given your life for her?” Neal was furious now, his face tinted red, a slight tremor shaking his body.

“I tried-”

“Tried to what? Save her? You killed her, _Hook_ ,” Neal spat.

Killian started shaking his head. “No,” He didn’t kill Mila. He hadn’t made all the right choices, but he hadn’t killed her either. Rumpelstiltskin had given Mila her death, not he, not Hook. Definitely not Killian Jones. "Mila’s death was not my doing. Your father took her life. Her blood is on his hands.” Despite what his subconscious told him in the darkest part of the night.

Neal’s jaw was tight and jumped when Killian mentioned Rumpelstiltskin. “If you hadn’t taken her away. She was married. With a child.”

“Aye. We were going to come back for you. She talked about you every day,” he said softly. “Mila had no intention of leaving you with him for long.” Killian left out the part about how he was looking forward to getting to know Mila’s son.

“Well, she did.” Neal’s anger wasn’t going away, despite Killian’s efforts to keep his own emotions in check.

“Bae,” Killian said, reaching out to the son of his lost love, the boy he had heard so many fond stories of, the boy that had pushed him away. The memories flashed through Killian’s mind, making him see Neal as the person he was before, not the angry, jealous man standing in front of him. 

Neal shoved his hand away. “I haven’t been Baelfire for a long time.” His voice was full of resentment, like he was tired of hearing his old name, or maybe it was just hearing it from Killian. He shook his head sharply. “There is nothing you can say to me that will change what happened to her. You are poison, Hook. If you hadn’t taken her…” Neal pressed his lips together and closed his eyes, trying to chase the ‘what ifs’ from his mind. “I won’t let you take Emma from Henry.”

Unspoken words hung in the chilly air between them. Killian swallowed, chasing his own ‘what ifs’ of his future with Mila out of his mind. Being here, speaking with her son, dreams of a new happy ending in his heart, Killian felt raw. He chased the old dreams out of his mind and focused on the future, on Emma. “I have no intention of taking Emma from Henry. I would never ask her to Henry.”

“Then do what would be the best for everyone and leave.”

“You are not the person that decides what’s best for Emma and Henry, mate.” It may be best for Neal, but if the actions of the lad and his mother were any indication, they were for Killian staying.

The anger on Neal’s face darkened and he took a threatening step towards Killian, the other man striking a chord with him. “I’m Henry’s father,” he threatened.

Killian tensed, his mouth jumping ahead of his brain. “But that doesn’t give you the right to make decisions for his mother. Emma is not your wife or your lover.” He shifted, an angry smirk on his face. “I would think that you threw any hopes of either of those roles away when you abandoned her and her son.”

Neal swung suddenly, his fist connecting with Killian’s jaw, sending the other man stumbling against the white fence behind him. “You can’t have her, you son of a bitch,” Neal hissed, clenching and unclenching the fist he hit Killian with.

Rolling his jaw, Killian righted himself. “I will have her if she wants me.” Killian scowled. “And there is nothing you can do to stop me.”

A growl from Neal was the only thing that gave Killian a moment to prepare before he launched himself at the pirate. Neal tried to punch Killian again, swinging wildly, anger blurring his thoughts and punctuating his words. “You. Can’t. Have. Her.” His fist glanced off of Killian’s shoulder. “She deserves better!”

Killian parried another of Neal’s punches and found himself up against the fence again. Egging Neal on had not been the best decision he had made in recent days. It led to a fight they had been avoiding since Neverland. Now, he could see two ways out, keep up his defenses until Neal got lucky and one of his punches fully connected. Or, he could fight back and be Hook again, aggressive and in it for survival, not caring who he hurt to get there. He didn’t want to be Hook anymore, but it was fight or let Neal hit him. Killian gritted his teeth and lashed out, neatly punching Neal in the face. The other man stumbled and moved to cover his nose.

“Hook! Neal!” Emma’s voice shattered the silence as the two men started to square off again. “I can’t believe this!” she shouted at them as she stormed over. “Are you two seriously fighting like a couple of teenagers?”

The two men backed off and Killian looked at Emma, suddenly nervous. Next to him, Neal was straightening his jacket. “I told you, Hook can’t be trusted,” he said.

Killian glared at him. “If I remember correctly, you confronted me.”

Emma made an exasperated sound and both men stopped focusing on each other and focused on her. Killian felt the fight drain out of him. “Both of you…” She rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes, sucking in a deep breath.

Killian reached for her elbow, taking it gently in his hand. “Love,” he said softly, worry and concern etched on his face.

“No.” She opened her eyes and glared at him, her gaze flickering to Neal briefly and then settling back on Killian. 

He could see the words in her eyes. She’d been willing to give them a chance. Now? He didn’t fight when she pulled her arm away. “Emma,” he started again and she raised her hand. She turned to Neal.

“You.” She pointed at him. “Back. Off. You are Henry’s father. Not my boyfriend. Not my lover. Or anything else like that.” Emma pressed her lips together as Neal stood in front of her, not saying anything. “I’m glad you aren’t dead, but that doesn’t mean that I will forgive you. This isn’t working and I was wrong.”

“Emma,” Neal tried this time.

“No, Neal. I need you to stop. There isn’t an us. There hasn’t been an us since I went to jail for you. Now, you can stay in Storybrooke for Henry, but I will arrest you if you push it.”

“You can’t just arrest me!”

Emma smirked. “I can find a reason. But, right now, you’re leaving. Goodbye, Neal.” She turned away from him and waited for him to walk away. 

Killian watched Neal war with himself and finally come to a decision. His eyes met Killian’s before he walked away. Killian looked down at the ground, avoiding watching him leave. He glanced up at Emma and waited for his turn.

The silence stretched between them and Killian shifted, running a hand through his hair. Emma glanced at him and folded her arms across her chest, turning away from him. Killian watched her as she seemed to fold in on herself. “I can’t do this.”

He barely heard her words as she spoke them so softly, her body angled away still, trying as she might to not look at him. She had been brave and angry when she spoke to Neal. Now she looked like she was trying to pull a band aid off as quickly as possible. “Love, you don’t have to do this,” he replied, not sure of exactly what she was trying to say to him, only feeling that his good evening was rapidly turning sour.

She let out a deep breath and turned around, her eyes on a spot over his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She briefly met his eyes and then looked away. The bottom of his stomach dropped. “We aren’t going to work.” Her gaze stayed away from him again and she looked like she was going to cry, her eyes shining in the dim light. 

“Emma, love, give us a chance, a moment,” he said quickly, panic edging into his voice. Up and down. Future and no future. Killian was struggling to keep his emotions from boiling over.

“Killian.” Emma shook her head.” Hook.” She kept her eyes off of him still. “You’ll find someone else. We never had a chance… It was wrong of me to get your hopes up.” She spoke quickly, excuses, but her voice was stronger than it had been, resolved.

Her use of his moniker stung and then he felt numb at the words that followed. Killian wasn’t sure what he had done wrong, but he was quickly filling with regrets, his mind racing over the events of the evening. She had smiled at him. He had held her hand. He put his hand on her arm, gentle, although he just wanted to yank her to him, hold her against his chest, in his arms, and never let go. “I don’t want anyone else. I want you. I want Emma Swan.”

She stared down at his hand and took a shaky breath, the resolve seemingly melting away. Silence stretched between them again. Killian kept thinking about every possible way that this could end. None of them were bright, leading to his happy ending. 

When she finally looked at him, she stopped his thoughts in their tracks. The tears in her eyes were threatening to spill over. She looked bone weary and infinitely sad. Killian sucked in a breath. Emma, his Emma, was beautiful and he was stunned by it enough that he missed her whispered words the first time. 

“Love?” he asked softly as a tear finally crept down her cheek.

Emma took a breath and spoke louder, her voice certain but shaking. “Goodbye, Hook.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance. This was supposed to be the final chapter, but it didn't end up that way. No one wanted to cooperate. Well, enjoy, I hope.

The grass in front the convent was damp and a hazy fog hung low in the chill air. Last night, just as Killian had made it back to the Jolly Roger, the skies had opened up and rain had fallen in sheets, soaking him through in the clothes Ruby had brought for him. He hadn’t cared though, stalking into the cabin and slamming the door, the chill seeping into his bones. He stormed around the cabin, frustrated and angry as he tossed charts onto the table in the middle of the room. 

The course he had stayed up all-night plotting would take him out of Storybrooke and into another realm far away from this one. He only needed one thing to make the Jolly Roger cross the border between the realms since Storybrooke was fresh out of magic beans. Pixie dust had gotten them home and pixie dust would help him leave.

Killian strode up the stairs and pushed the door open, the heavy wooden door bumping against the wall, the banging sound echoing around the cavernous room. He stalked inside, the sound of his boots thudding on the floor, echoing off the walls and high ceiling. The whole space seemed darker with him in it, his anger slowly growing as he found no one. 

Last night, he had his heart broken and he had felt like a void had opened in him that had once held hope for his future. Emma had basically told him to leave. He’d wasted time the previous night trying to figure out what he had done to be discarded, but as he walked back to his ship, his frustration grew into despair, his despair into betrayal and then betrayal to hot, blinding anger. Finally, the anger had led him to his plan.

“Blue!” he shouted, his voice rough with emotion. He had to leave and it had to be soon. The longer he stayed, the longer he could chance running into Emma. If Killian could avoid her, then maybe he could move on faster once he was away. He didn’t need any more memories of her looking at him with a sad expression in her eyes. “Where are you, you bloody fairy!”

His coat fanned out behind him as he strode down the aisle. The nuns should have been here. He fumed and slammed the smaller side door open, the corridor leading to the newer expansion. He caught sight of skirts disappearing around a corner and picked up his pace, giving chase. They would give him what he wanted.

Killian rounded the corner and stopped, a defiant blonde dressed in green standing in front of several of the nuns. Tinkerbell stared him down, her hands on her hips. “What do you want, Hook?” she demanded. Her eyes softened with worry, briefly, before she put the stern look back on her face.

“Pixie dust,” he said, narrowing his eyes and taking a moment to fiddle with his hook, drawing her eyes to it, the threat clear.

Tinkerbell glared at him, her eyes flashing. She pointed at him and stepped forward. “Don’t you dare threaten me, pirate. I don’t know what has gotten into you, but go back to your ship. We’ve nothing for you here.” 

A pained smirk appeared on his face, his eyes infinitely sad. “Right you are, lass.” His blue eyes hardened like crystal, burying his emotions behind anger again. “You’ll be rid of me as soon as you put the pixie dust in my hand.” He held out his hand and stepped forward. One of the nuns bolted and Killian swallowed. He didn’t want to be Hook again and here he was. He pushed the thought down, knowing Hook could get him what he wanted faster than Killian. “Now, if you would be so kind, Lady Bell.”

She huffed and raised her chin, moving to stand directly in front of him, tilting her head back to glare up at him. The nuns disappeared as she faced the legendary pirate. “Why do you want the pixie dust?” She carefully watched his face, seeing the sadness that he quickly covered back up. 

Killian’s jaw jumped and raised his hook. He didn’t want to have to explain himself to Tinkerbell or anyone. “Lady Bell-”

“No, Captain. Unless you give me a reason, you won’t be getting any pixie dust. I will make sure of it.” Her eyes glanced to his hook and then returned to his face. Something had happened. Last time she had seen him, he was more Killian than Hook.

He bared his teeth for a second, raising his hook to his friend before growling and turning away. “Tinkerbell. I need the pixie dust,” he said, his voice a mixture of pleading and anger. “I need to leave.”

Instead of backing away, Tinkerbell walked over to him and put a delicate hand on his shoulder. “Captain,” her voice soft, “you don’t need to leave.” She felt him stiffen under her hand. “What about Emma?” She could feel the tension in him getting worse. “Did Henry give you the letter?”

Killian turned around and knocked her hand away. “I am leaving, Tinkerbell and you will help me.” He reached out with his hand and grabbed her clothing at her shoulder. “Where is the pixie dust?” he asked again. 

“What did you do to Emma?” she demanded, letting him grab her and jerk her forward.

“Emma is where she belongs,” he hissed, pain in his eyes. “With her family. She doesn’t want me here.” His eyes fell to his hand where it was holding Tinkerbell and he let go, pushing her away like she had burned him. He watched her stumble and felt wrong. Hook, not Killian.

Tinkerbell stumbled and caught herself against the wall. “Did you read the letter?” she asked, realizing he hadn’t denied receiving it.

“What’s going on here?” Emma was standing in the hallway from the same direction that Killian had come in, the nuns and the Blue Fairy standing behind her. “Hook?” 

Killian knew that she saw Tinkerbell where she had stumbled against the wall and him standing over her, looking ragged and stressed. He glanced at Emma, seeing the pity and the accusations in her eyes. Then, he focused on Tinkerbell, ignoring Emma. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Emma too long, not know if she would cool or stoke his anger.

Tinkerbell looked at Killian and then away from him to where Emma stood. Her brow crinkled and she pushed herself away from the wall, back into Killian’s personal space. “You’re leaving. Why?” she demanded, her gaze flickering to Emma then back.

“That is none of your concern.” He swallowed and looked down, his efforts at ignoring Emma not working as well as he had hoped. Killian could feel her down the hallway. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he could see her, feel her breath against his cheek.

“You’re leaving?” Emma asked, walking away from the nuns, moving into Killian’s view.

He gritted his teeth and turned away, running his hand through his hair. He closed his eyes. “Aye. What of it, lass?” he asked her, taking a shaky breath and putting on his best ‘Hook’ face. He turned and forced a smirk onto his face, trying to reach for the anger that had settled just out of reach.

Emma stated at him, her mouth slightly opened. Her eyes flickered to his mouth and then back to his eyes. “Where?”

He could hear the why in her voice and narrowed his eyes, finally reaching the anger. What did she stand to lose if he left? “None of your concern, after all, you’ve already said your goodbyes.” He glared at her and turned back to Tinkerbell. “The pixie dust, if you please.” He held out his hand again.

Tinkerbell’s face lit up for a moment before she scowled at them. “You can’t leave!” she said to Killian then focused on Emma. “Last night went well, right? Henry said-“ she stopped and looked between the two. Emma had folded her arms over her stomach and Killian was standing very still. “Oh no.” She put her hands on her hips. “No, no, no.”

“Lady Bell-“

“No!” She pointed at Killian to silent him. “This is not what was supposed to happen!” The petite blonde threw her hands up and started pacing, obviously furious.

Killian stared at her. He glanced at the Blue Fairy who stood with her fellow nuns. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to calling her Mother Superior. His focus shifted back to Tinkerbell who hadn’t stopped pacing. “What was to happen?” he asked, cautiously. 

Tinkerbell stopped and glared at him and Killian remembered a time that all she did was glare at him and try to boss him around. “You,” she pointed at him, “and her,” she pointed at Emma, “were supposed to be happy.” She threw up her hands again and practically stomped over to the Blue Fairy.

Killian scrubbed his hand through his hair and then over the ever present stubble on his chin. He and Emma were supposed to be happy. Finally looking at Emma, he didn’t know what to think. She looked tired, her skin pale, like she hadn’t taken care of herself, like she hadn’t eaten in awhile. He couldn’t recall either of them having anything like food after they slid into the booth last night. Dark circles were under her eyes. Despite everything, Emma was still beautiful to him. They were supposed to be happy.

Emma stared at Tinkerbell, confusion written on her tired face. She looked to Killian and their eyes locked. “What’s going on?”

Killian couldn’t answer for a moment, feeling himself falling into her eyes, sadness, confusion, and something he wished he wasn’t seeing there. Concern. He swallowed. “I don’t know, lass.”

She took a deep breath and titled her head. “You’re leaving,” she stated. “You’ve come for the last of the pixie dust.” Her eyes never left his and it was like she was looking through him, into him, reaching deep for something, or someone, she knew was there.

He swallowed again. “Aye.” He couldn’t make himself give her a sarcastic reply. A Hook reply. She’d see right through it.

“You want to leave,” she stated like it was a fact, trying to pry an answer out of him without demanding it like she would normally.

“It’s my only option,” he replied, choosing his words carefully. He wanted to tell her that he couldn’t stay, not when she had been the one to say goodbye.

Emma shook her head. “There’s never only one option.”

His jaw jumped and he could feel the anger boiling again. Her fault, it said at him, but another voice told that one to bugger off. It’s never that simple. “You’re correct.” He paused, watching the question form in her eyes. “But, you’ve discarded me enough and I have no other reason to stay.”

Her mouth fell open and she looked shocked. Her eyes flashed with guilt and she closed her mouth only to open it again as if she was to speak. Nothing came out.

Killian snorted and let his anger take over, too tired to keep it in. “I have done enough to prove myself to you. I took you to Neverland to rescue the boy. I made sure you and your kin made it back in one piece. I let you go when you wanted to give Baelfire a chance.” He fumed and focused on the hurt he felt, the loss he was sure he wouldn’t get over. “I still don’t know what I’ve done to change your mind, your heart. Pray tell, lass, would you be so kind as to enlighten a once smitten pirate? It’ll give me something to keep me warm on those lonely nights at sea.”

Emma flinched at his cold words and he knew she felt guilty. Emma wasn’t fighting back, wasn’t demanding, and wasn’t showing him that she was the one in charge, not him. His chest hurt when he realized what was happening. Something was wrong. He turned away, wanting to hit something, or someone, for hurting her, confusing her. She was raw, as he hadn’t seen her before. Her protective walls crashed down as he challenged them. 

Killian felt brittle and wrong. “Emma,” he asked softly, “what’s happened to you?”

“I can’t be what you want me to be.” He slowly turned and she looked up at him through her lashes. “You treat me like I’m some… shining thing. Like, I am the end and the beginning for you.” She tilted her head, looking at him straight on. “I am not that person.”

“Emma,” he said and she glared at him like she always did. He felt relieved, seeing the fight flood back into her. “I don’t understand. I just… I just wanted you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Wanted?” She shook her head when he opened his mouth to respond. “You’re lying, but you’re leaving so what does that matter?” She huffed, looking hurt and sad for a moment before glaring at him again. “Leave if you want. Like you said, I already said my good byes.”

Killian’s face grew hot and he brushed past her, an angry cloud following him as he stormed over to Tinkerbell and the nuns. He locked eyes with the Blue Fairy and held out his hand. “Give me the pixie dust now, or so help me.” His voice was rough, back again to what it was when he stormed in looking for the nuns.

Tinkerbell and Blue shared a look before Blue held out her hand to one of the other nuns. The nun put the jar into her hand and Killian snatched it from her. Tinkerbell put her hands on her hips again and she held Killian’s gaze for a moment. 

He should be relieved, happy even that he had his way out. But he wasn’t. He looked away from Tinkerbell, clutching the jar in his hand. The air felt thick as he breathed hard, his throat feeling tight. He turned with a swirl of his coat, stalking back the way he had come. If he got back to the ship quick enough, he could be gone before the sun went down.

“The letter, Captain! Read the letter!” he heard Tinkerbell call as the door swung shut behind him. 

Killian wasn’t sure why the letter was so important to Tinkerbell, but Henry had said he’d know when he could read it. Maybe it would give him the last push, to cast off and leave Storybrooke, and Emma, behind.


	7. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really going to stop saying that one more chapter is the end because it hasn't happened yet. There is still more to come and you can yell at my beta (boyfriend :P) for the chapter ending where it does. I apologize for the wait. The past month has been excessively stressful at work so I've been coming home and watching too much Top Gear. Anyway, enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated. :D

The sky was darkening overhead and the fog was sinking lower and lower as it dissipated, the temperature falling and bringing a heaviness to the air. Killian hurried down the dock, his eyes focused on the Jolly Roger as she swayed on the steadily roughening sea. It seemed like his tumultuous morning heralded a storm.

He mentally checked off the list of preparations he had to complete before he could set sail. He tried not to think of sad eyes, filled with questions. They were questions he didn’t want to stay and answer. He didn’t want to tell her how much she hurt him and how much it was her that was making him sail away from Storybrooke. 

His grip on the jar tightened as he forced his mind to remain on the tasks he had left, not the cause of his hasty departure. The coming storm was going to make his plans more difficult. He was lucky the Jolly Roger had been enchanted long ago or there would be no doubt that he’d have to weather the storm in the harbor.

Killian strode up the gangplank with it wobbling beneath his feet. The Jolly Roger rose an fell with the swell o the waves. Killian looked to the sky and was immediately reminded of stormy grey green eyes again. “Emma,” he breathed and his heart ached as his boots thudded against the deck. He hurried towards the captain’s quarters.

Once he crossed realms, he had a plan. He would pick up a crew of men in some mort and set out for a life of piracy again. No more women, he thought. He was tired of the heartache and loss that love always left him with. No, love wasn’t something he wanted to hope for any longer. It was beautiful and redeeming when you had it, but when you lost it… Love left a gaping hole that only loneliness and pain seemed to fill.

He gently tucked the pixie dust away into a cabinet and sucked in a deep breath. Maybe this time he would stay out of a realm that cursed him with more yes on his life. He would grow old and pass the Jolly Roger on to a crew member when he was passed. His mind wandered to Emma, to what it would be like to grow old with her. Killian thought that would be his happy ending, finding it here in Storybrooke with Emma, but she had taken that away from him for the final time this morning. Maybe the only happy ending he could hope for was one for Captain Hook, not Killian Jones.

A crack of lightening shook him out of his thoughts, the storm rolling in so much faster than he wanted. He could still feel the temperature dropping. “Bloody hell,” he murmured as the Jolly Roger rocked in the turbulent waters, the floor tilting beneath his feet. So near the shore, he only had to worry about the rough pull of the current. Further out, beneath the heaviest part of the storm, he knew the storm was turning the sea so that it was strong enough to capsize.

Killian’s eyes flickered over his desk to the envelope peeking out from beneath a chart. Henry had said he’d know when to read it and he supposed now was as good as ever. If he could purge Emma from his mind now, then he could work on his heart wile he was at sea.

He lit the lantern to cast a gentle, warm glow over his cabin and he shook the match to extinguish it. The letter still sat on the desk. Killian was almost afraid to open it. It could say anything, he feared, but no words on paper could worse than the time he had since the Jolly Roger sailed through the portal from Neverland. He picked it up; treating it like it would burn him if he wasn’t careful. With his hook, he slit the envelope open and pulled the lined paper out. 

Emma’s handwriting was flowing and just a little messing. It slanted across the page, the angle becoming more prominent and the words stretching longer in her hurry to get her thoughts on the page. 

_I want to start by saying that I didn’t want to do this. Mary Margaret and Tinkerbell insisted. And they got Henry in on it. They wanted me to write down what I was feeling because I wouldn’t talk to any of them about it. Not yet. They said it would help. I haven’t been sleeping and Henry keeps asking me what is wrong. So, here I am, writing about everything that is bothering me. Neal. Neverland. Him._

Killian swallowed and sank down in the chair at his desk. He felt a little strange, and even a little voyeuristic, reading Emma’s words. Maybe what she had written would allow him to move on. He could only hope. 

He skimmed paragraphs about Neverland and about the initial joy of finding Neal. He was barely mentioned throughout the sections. His jaw tightened, searching for something that indicated Emma felt something about what happened between them and that he was more than just an option to her.

_I broke a promise when we returned from Neverland. I gave Neal a chance instead of keeping my promise. I made the promise when I thought that Neal was dead and when we found him alive… How could I deny him a second chance when he’d been through hell? But, I was wrong._

_Now we are back in Storybrooke and all I keep thinking about is Him and the promise I broke. Every time Neal touches me, I think about Him and how I don’t want Neal. I miss his laugh, his smile, his eyes, his touch…_

Killian’s brown furrowed and he stared at the paper. She didn’t want Neal. He wasn’t sure when the letter had been written, but it was before the party. It had only been days since they returned and Emma already had made a decision. She didn’t want Neal, so that meant she wanted him. He turned the paper over.

_I hurt Killian. I hurt him so badly. I’ve thought about him every night and I wish I could apologize. I’ve thought about going down to the docks and walking onto his ship and telling him. But, I can’t. I saw how his eyes changed. They actually dulled when I told him that I wanted to give Neal a chance._

Killian unclenched his jaw. Emma knew how badly she had hurt him, but she had to know that he would still have forgiven her then. Now, though, it wasn’t as simple as pulling her into his arms and feeling her breath on his cheek as she apologized, his arms tightening around her as he kissed her with love swelling in his heart. He wasn’t sure if he could trust her not to turn around and push him away again. Killian was willing to wait for her, but to take the constant rejections…

_He believed in me and I took the first chance I could to run. I don’t have anyone to blame except for myself as clichéd as that is… I haven’t seen Killian since I walked off of the Jolly Rodger. David said he and Mary Margaret saw him on their way here. Mary Margaret said he was drunk. I don’t blame him. I want to drink most nights just to try and stop seeing his face when I close my eyes._

He stopped reading, the memory of her voice as she chose Neal over him reverberating in his mind. Emma was sorry? Sad? She missed him and he missed her. Last night should have gone as he hoped then. The ship rocked and he took a deep breath. If he was hoping to leave before the storm was at it’s worst, he should be on deck now. Pressing his lips together, he decided to keep reading.

_Mary Margaret said I need to keep writing and Tinkerbell keeps agreeing with her when she is not whispering with Henry. I’ve tried to tell them that I’ve finished and that everything is down on the paper. Mary Margaret just gives me a look that a mother gives her daughter when she knows that her daughter is lying. She and Tinkerbell keep saying that everything will be better if I just write down how I feel about Hook._

Killian wanted to skim ahead, his hand shaking enough he had to set the letter down. His heart thudded heavily in his chest as he leaned forward. He had to make himself read each word, not just skim to get what he wanted to read. 

_How do I feel about Hook? I like him. There was a time when I wanted to see if that would lead to something more… I mean, he was willing to go back into one of his personal hells to save my son. He’s smart and he took care of my family in Neverland. But… I see the way he looks at me, like I am something special to him and it makes me want to trust him more than I have trusted any man since Neal the first time. I can’t do that again. With Neal, my walls are firmly in place and I know that he’s not what I want. Neal won’t hurt me again, but Hook.... Killian could. That’s why I had to break my promise. Neal was there, alive when I thought he was dead, and Neal is safe. Killian is not. And I can’t stop thinking about him. It scares me._

_I thought it would be easy to just tell him that I had to give Neal a chance and that he would understand, but no. I hurt Killian because I was scared of what I was starting to feel when I was with him. I still look for him every time I walk through town and I miss him with every part of me. I can’t, though. I just can’t… I can’t be in love with Captain Hook._

Emma loved him. Killian stared at the words on the page. She didn’t want to, but she still was in love with him. The scrawled words on the paper tore him in two. On one side, he felt the burst of hope in his chest. On the other side, sadness bled all over the hope, saturating it. Emma didn’t want to love him.

_Henry and my parents are different. It was easy to let Henry in and love him. My parents and I are still in this strange relationship, but that probably has more to do with us being the same age and the whole curse thing than it does anything else. It’s hard for me to trust anyone. Neal won’t ever get in like that again. I will always love him, but not like before. Killian is Killian. What he makes me feel terrifies me. He was always there in Neverland, patiently waiting, quietly supporting. I made the move, not him, but he met me as my equal with more passion and love than I could handle. I made a promise and then broke it at the first opportunity. I am a coward._

_It’s no one’s fault but my own. I hurt the one person who was looking out for me. He’d given up revenge for me. He protected me and saved my son. I repaid him by running away from him. I just don’t know how to tell him that he scares me, but I still love him. I love Killian Jones. And he’ll never know._

The letter ended and Killian stared at the last few lines, reading them over and over. Emma loved him at least when she had written the letter. She never planned to tell him. He could only hope that she still felt the same way, that he hadn’t given her enough time and reason to talk herself out of loving him. If anyone could talk themselves out of loving someone, it was Emma. 

But, Killian knew then that he had to see if she still loved him. He couldn’t bare not knowing. If he left now, he would always wonder if Emma had loved him as he sailed into the storm. At least, he had to tell her that he loved her now and would always. She had called him a liar and she had been right. Killian had never stopped wanting her and he doubted he ever would. 

Killian tucked the letter into an inside coat pocket and extinguished the lantern. The hurt in Emma’s eyes when he last saw her haunted him. She hadn’t wanted him to leave. He had been determined to leave then and threw his pain at her like a weapon. He thought he had been hurting more than she had and felt justified. In retrospect, he regretted his words. 

Rain cascaded from the grey and rumbling sky. It was significantly darker than when he had gone into his cabin and with the rain, Killian was soaked before he even stepped foot off the Jolly Roger. The gangplank and dock were slick beneath his boots and he strode quickly, almost slipping before he stepped onto land. His leather coat slapped against his pants as he walked purposefully to the police station, hoping Emma was there. 

Lightning flashed and brightened the rapidly darkening sky. They were in for a hell of a storm, he thought, hesitating with his hand on the door to the station. He was in for a hell of a fight too. Emma would be angry he had been given the letter, he knew, but he refused to be sorry that he read it.

He pulled open the door and stepped inside. His coat dripped on the floor and he scrubbed a hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up in every direction. The lights were on in the police station so Killian assumed that someone was here. 

Emma sat at the sheriff’s desk, a stack of paperwork in front of her. Killian watched her, waiting for her to look up as he once again took in her tired appearance. Her hair was loose around her shoulders as she printed neatly on the form in front of her. 

“I told you to go home, David. I just want to get this paperwork finished before the storm…” Her voice trailed off as she looked up, her eyes widening as she saw Killian standing in front of her. “Hook,” she breathed, her grey green eyes wide as she stared at him. 

“Hello, love,” he said, a smile trying to stretch across his face. He fought it as his mind repeated the same thing over and over. She loves me. She loves me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Life has been really stressful with my job lately. Hope you enjoy!

“You’re still here,” Emma said, leaning back in her chair to stare up at the dripping pirate. Outside, the sky rumbled in warning and the lights flickered inside the Sherriff’s office. She didn’t move, looking up at Killian, her eyes wide and surprised, her mouth slightly open.

Killian let the smile he had been fighting spread across his face. “That I am.” He wanted to say more, but stopped himself. Emma had pushed him away and let him go all within days. It still burned an his heart was still raw with the pain but, she loved him, and he wasn’t going to leave as long as some part of her still felt that way. 

Emma’s eyebrows knitted together, confused. Lightning flashed, lighting up the room brighter than it had been. “The storm stopped you,” she said, certainty in her words.

A soft chuckle escaped him and he shifted, his step swaggering as he put more bravado into his actions and words, letting confidence seep into his movements. “I wouldn’t let a storm stop me if I wanted to leave, love. The Jolly Roger has weathered storms worse than your realm can muster.” He raised his hand and rubbed his bottom lip, his eyes flickering over to Emma’s face. “There are other reasons for me to stay.”

Her head tilted and Emma folded her arms across her chest, frowning. “I don’t know why you came here then.”

Killian wanted to laugh, but only let his chin drop to his chest, letting out a huff of breath. “You know exactly why I came to see you, Emma.” He looked up at her through his lashes, fixing her with a smoldering look. He’d let her convince him that he should give up on her before, but with the letter in his pocket and her words replaying in his head, he wasn’t going to be so easily convinced again.

Emma frowned up at Killian and pushed herself out of the chair, standing so that she kept the desk between them. “No, I don’t.” She reached for the stack of paperwork, her hands shaking as she started sorting them into folders. 

“That’s a lie,” he said honestly, dropping the game he had been playing at. He reached inside the pocket of his coat and pulled the letter out. He dropped it onto the desk on top of the papers she had just picked up. His sleeve dripped on the top form and he pulled his hand back quickly, waiting for Emma to get angry. 

Recognition flashed in her eyes and she gaped at the envelope for a moment. “Where did you get that?” Emma snapped and picked up the envelope up like it could burst into flames. A faint blush shaded her cheeks. 

Killian waited for her to meet his eyes. Emma was staring hard at the envelope, waiting for his reply. “Your son brought that to me.” Her eyes snapped to his. “He told me that I would know when I should open it.” Her lips parted in question, but he knew that she already knew the answer. “Oh yes, love, I read it.” 

Emma stared at him. Panic flooded her eyes and was quickly burned away by anger. “What right did you have to read it?” she said, her voice rising as she shook the envelope at him. “It was not for you!”

“Then who was it for, love?” Killian inquired, his voice soft and low. He scratched behind his ear, looking away from Emma for a moment before meeting her eyes again. “I almost left without reading it.” He took a deep breath. “When I realized what it was, I couldn’t stop reading it. This week almost made me doubt that you would ever feel that way for me.” 

“Hook!” she hissed and stood up, tucking the envelope into the pocket of her jeans. She advanced on him, moving around her desk and into his personal space. She was frowning at him in her anger. Her green eyes blazed. Her eyes flickered down to his lips and then back to his face, her hard look softening for a moment as his words sank in.

“Yes, love?” he asked, smirking at her. He watched her eyes widen slightly and then her glare intensify, knowing exactly what he was doing to her.

Emma stepped closer to him and Killian had to stop himself from reaching for her and closing the last remaining inches between them. She met his eyes and put her hands on her hips. “You are a complete ass. Do you know that?”

He wanted to laugh, but settled for a wicked smile, feeling the tension in the air shifting. “Pirate,” he said softly, inclining his head slightly in a mock bow at her.

A frustrated sound escaped her lips and she stepped back, putting some more space between them. She seemed to fight with herself for a moment, one of her hands sweeping back to her back pocket for a moment. She frowned at him again. “I told you…”

“Told me what, love?” he interrupted, rocking back on his heels and smirking at her frustration. She loved him.

Emma glared at him and his smirk, huffing again at him and narrowing her eyes. “I can’t be what you want me to be.” She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. “I’m… I’m not that perfect. I’m just me, Emma Swan.”

The smirk fell off Killian’s face at Emma’s distress, feeling torn by the elation that he had been feeling since she read his letter and wanting her to feel just a little of what he’d felt over the past few days. “Emma, I only wish to be with you as you are. I do not wish for perfection, nor do I have any crazy ideas about you being anyone but who you are.” 

He closed the distance between them, reaching out and touching her arm with his hand, letting his fingers slide down the sleeve of her shirt to her wrist. His eyes met hers as she shivered from what he hoped was his touch. Her lips parted and Killian’s eyes fell to them before returning to her eyes, willing her to not speak

“I want the officer of the law, the mother, the daughter…” He took her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. Squeezing her hand, he moved closer still, into her personal space. “I want the savoir. The lover.” He released her hand and brushed his fingers down the side of her face, pushing a lock of blonde hair back from her face. He cupped her cheek, gently rubbing his thumb along her jaw. “Most of all, I want the lost girl.”

Emma stared at Killian. Her anger and frustration had fully melted away at his words. “Killian,” she breathed and tried to search for the right words. “I…”

Shaking his head gently, he wrapped his other arm around her, settling his hook gently against her back. “Lass, I want to make reparations for this week… I said that I would fight for you and I let you go when you asked.” He continued to brush his thumb along her jaw, savoring the feel of her skin. “I was wrong. I should have never stopped fighting for you. Never again, love. I refuse to ever give up on you again. I won’t leave.” He swallowed and his voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ll never leave you, Emma Swan.”

Lightning cracked and the lights in the station flickered out and stayed out this time, but Killian refused to step away from Emma, his gaze so focused on her. The flash that followed fully illuminated Emma’s face and when it dimmed again, he could see her eyes shining in the low light. She chewed on her bottom lip and pressed her cheek a little further into his hand. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I promised you a chance-“

“And you can still give me one.” The edges of his lips curved up. “I would be honored if you would give me another chance, love.” Hope bloomed in his chest and he didn’t fight it, he let it fill him and give him strength. 

The lights flickered back on, the low hum of the generator covering the patter of the rain against the windows. Emma turned her face into his hand and brushed her lips over his palm. Her eyes closed, her lashes gently brushing against her cheeks. A tear slid down her cheek. Killian brushed it away with his thumb. “I want to give you a chance. But…”

Killian held his breath and closed his eyes, trying to keep the hope burning in his chest. He swayed closer, pressing his forehead to hers. “Please. Please, Emma.” Her hands moved to his chest and he was afraid she was going to push him away. The words from her letter repeated over and over in his mind.

Emma curled her fingers into the black shirt that Killan wore, bunching the fabric in her hands. She clenched her teeth, her jaw tightening, fighting with herself as she stood barely inches from the man she had written so passionately about. Emma sucked in a breath and let it out quickly. “I’m scared,” she breathed out.

He tightened his arm around her waist and gently stroked the side of her face. “And that is where we both are similar.” He pulled his forehead away from hers and gently angled her face up so that their eyes could meet again. She opened her eyes so that he could see the green eyes that he loved to see glowing with laughter and wanted to see darkening with passion. “I love you, Emma Swan.” 

The smile that grew on Emma’s face was a small one, but it was enough to tell Killian that she still loved him, that her feelings hadn’t changed from the letter. “I’m not going to give you a chance,” she started.

The bottom fell out of Killian’s stomach, his arm around her tightening and his hand falling from her cheek. “Emma-“

“Let me finish.” Her fingers curled tighter in his shirt and she tugged, pulling him against her. “We are going to give us a chance.”

Killian smiled brilliantly and nodded. “Aye, love.” His fingers slid to tangle in her hair and cup the back of her head. “On my honor, I won’t leave you and I will fight for you. I won’t make that mistake again.” He would say those words over and over until she believed him if he had to.

Emma found herself smiling back at him. His smile was infectious. She tugged on his shirt again, pulling him as close as she could get him. His fingers tightened in her hair and Emma tilted her head back, angling so that when they both leaned forward, their lips met. 

Their kiss started gentle. Emma’s lips glided over his until his tongue gently parted her lips, slipping inside to taste her. He groaned. Fire ignited and their kiss became deep and hungry. His arms held her flush against him and Emma pulled at his shirt, trying to urge him closer. She pressed her hips forward to meet his, their bodies touching from thighs to chests. Killian made a sound in the back of his throat and Emma pushed him backwards until he hit the edge of her desk, never breaking contact, their lips and tongues dancing together. 

They couldn’t get enough of each other, like the past week had been too much time apart, like they had something to make up for. Killian leaned back, breaking their kiss as he let Emma push him so he was sitting on her desk. As she climbed into his lap and he watched her with hooded eyes, she let go of his shirt only to knock the papers that were piled on her desk to the floor. She pushed him again, urging him backwards so that she could straddle his lap. As soon as she was in his lap, her lips were back on his, hot and hungry.

Emma’s fingers threaded through his damp hair, still kissing him as his hand roamed all over her back, his arm wrapped around her and clutching her close. They kissed each other like they couldn’t breathe without the taste of the other’s lips. 

Another crack of lightning that was followed by a bright flash had them finally pulling apart. Killian’s cheeks were as flushed as Emma’s as they both caught their breath. She was the first one to smile, running her fingers through his hair. He smiled back at her, his fingers holding tightly onto her waist, like she would disappear.

“The letter was true,” she said softly. “I do love you.”

Killian felt lighter than air and the constant ache in his chest from the last week finally subsided. “Good,” was all he could find to say in reply. 

Emma gave his shoulder a shove and he chuckled at her. “Good?” she asked.

“Aye, love. It was either that or poetry and I do have a reputation to uphold.”

Emma shoved him again, returning to curling her fingers in his shirt. She smiled as she pulled him against her again. “Shut up and kiss me, pirate.”

“As you wish,” he said as he leaned forward to capture her lips again. 

=-=-=-=

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end of APB. Thank you to everyone who read! I've got at least two other chapter stories started and some one shots so I hope you will take a look at them.


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